chairleg of truth

Brief update. Not dead.

Still alive. I post stupid random thoughts on facebook now instead of saving them all up and posting them here. I must just get drunk in the AM and ramble on here when I get home from work. In the meantime, money is good and I haven't been superinspired for poetry so I haven't been going. Being sick hasn't helped and I've been pretty engrossed in poker for the last few weeks. Doing well, pulling 500 dollar paychecks out for the last two months. Happy. More later.
chairleg of truth

Watchin' movies...

So it's 2am and I'm poking around Hulu looking for something to entertain myself. The horror movie section is dry and boring so I scan down through the latest added/suggested titles/whatever sidebar and come across a little ditty from 1994 called Jailbait.

From Hulu: "When a cop crosses the line and gets involved with a beautiful teen-aged murder witness he discovers an international sex slave network kidnapping runaway American girls and exporting them overseas."

I know what you're thinking "hurr hurr hurr there is some hot teenaged--" No. It's not even about that. It's on THE INTERNET. If you want to see hot teenaged whatever, type that shit into google image search. Yes, the movie has tits in it but again, it's on THE INTERNET. Go elsewhere for better. This thing is all about the schlock. Regular late-night cable channel USA Up-all-night B-movie fare, right? I figured it would be laughably bad and I didn't have anything better to do so I put it on. Wow. This film isn't just bad, it's a mindbending fever dream of awful. It probably came out as a Showgirls clone back in its day as it features some of the same elements (new girl right off the bus--only substitute LA for Vegas--wants to be a dancer) but when you clone a bad movie what do you get? If Michael Keaton taught us nothing in Multiplicity it is that when you make a copy of a copy it doesn't come out as sharp, right? It's got a kungfu cop (why?), not quite buddy-partner death (what? when was this part of the plot given time to develop?), brain breaking plot contrivances (frequent and gratuitous), and plot holes that make you go "wha?" In fact, about 2/3 of the movie made me go "wha?" It has a scene where some random street urchin on rollerskates steals from some store owner, the guy chases her outside where she runs into the movie's heroine. The shopkeeper comes out, complains about damn punk kids then says, "they think they're fast? I'll show them fast!" and proceeds to do a tapdance routine. Wha? How about these gems of screenwriting: "You cops always think you can push people around! Especially women!" as the heroine of this tale changes her sodden shirt in a police station utility closet with a conveniently placed opaque window and equally conveniently placed backlight. When our heroine is confronted with the fact that her sister is a hooker she retorts boldly "My sister is a Hollywood singer!" This thing is glorious in its awfulness. It makes skin-emax look like masterpiece theater. It makes Showgirls look like Citizen Kane. It's got C.-motherfucking-THOMAS HOWELL! King of the late '80s and early '90s B-movies! While I haven't seen The Room (yet) I'd argue that, based on reputation alone the two are at least comparable. Definitely check this beastie out while it's still on Hulu. All this thing needs is an MST3k commentary to make it complete.
chairleg of truth

Bullet points

1. I appear to have been stricken with the Doomcold this week. I feel all kinds of bad. I was hacking and coughing at The Job today and one of my coworkers asked me if I was sick. I responded "No, I'm coughing because I'm happy. And this snot running out of my head? That's happy snot. And the headache? That's from smiling because I'm so happy!" Me, sarcastic? Noooooo!

2. Michael Chabon is out hawking his latest book on the NPR circuit. He had some interesting things to say about discipline as a writer that meshed well with what I have learned over the summer playing poker. I plan to incorporate these ideas once I finish feeling like shit.

3. Portland Slam Family Meeting went well. Big plans, stuff that should make this town respectable. I'm definitely down to heft some weight for the team. Definitely looking forward to see what we can do.

4. Even though the skin was described as "spongy" the work done last week seems to be healing well. Not too much fading

5. ???

6. Profit

7. Give it up for joethecabdriver's new gif! Who doesn't enjoy some good scissor-lovin'

8. Bob Dole is watching you, Death. Don't you make any sudden moves now!

I think a good median life expectancy on this guy would probably be 5 years. *shudder*
chairleg of truth

Holy god, so much to do...

Kim left this week, bringing the number of friends I can call up and hang out with physically to...oh yeah 0. Just typing that is a bit depressing were it not for the fact that I have the Slam scene again and I'm in talks with Jack to drag his pasty white ass out to Portland to make money and provide for his daughter back in Toledo. While it would be good to have a familiar face around in Geek Zion I don't want to go breaking up anyone's family. Speaking of Jack, checked out the Soulfly show Tuesday night. It was quite awesome tinged with some BS. Me and the roomate got drunk. He got his first taste of a mosh pit. No name metal band, Cattle Decapitation, Prong, then Soulfly. I got a Soulfly shirt and a Prong knit cap while I was there. Talked with the guys from Cattle Decaptiation and they were quite cool and admitted vegetarians, which was a bit of awesome irony (and the source of their band name). The faint taint of BS came from the part where CD was up onstage and two youngish, hottish girls were rocking out next to us doing the tried-and-true metal hairwhip and the equally tried and true Bruce Dickinson inspired "so metal because I thrust my arm out and let the rock go, then bring it back in" move. One girl was performing this combo of maneuvers, then adjusting her top to keep her ladyparts in. I mimed something (which I THOUGHT) was to the effect of "less adjusting, more letting it all hang out and RAWK" and said "c'mon, save the Maiden for Maiden, or at least the headliner". She replied with "Me and my friend aren't big fans of Soulfly". This offended my metal sensiblities, but whatevs. Ten minutes later as Prong is getting ready to go up, one of the bouncers motions me over and tells me that one of the patron complained that a man fitting my exact description harassed her and tried to get her to show her breasts and if i persisted in doing this I would be thrown out, needless to say I was like "wha?!?!?" The bouncer shrugged his shoulders. Once again my intentions were misunderstood by women. FML. Later on in the concert I found the offended young lady and apologized for the misunderstanding but seriously, I'm fucking tired of this shit. Yes, I'm a big clumsy slobbery dog who frequently pisses on the rug when it comes to women. You know what, though? Dogs are awesome and there is a reason that they're man's (and woman's) best friend.


Next day was my appointment to get the Crux Terminatus finished. I was not apprised that if you get stinking drunk the night before your tattoo appointment, your skin becomes spongey and unworkable to a tattoo artist. Jason from Studio 2 spent an hour drilling on me before declaring just that and saying that I should come back in two weeks. Guy didn't charge me for the time, though, which is cool and the reason I'm probably going to keep going back to them for all of my other inking needs.

In terms of poker I recently finished a big post. It was a combination of brag at my success this summer in making $8000 at poker and my observations at how my fellow small stakes grinders can make more money playing what they play, how I play. This was met with some positive feedback and, of all things, a haiku contest in my honor (the forum goes know about my slam background). I've got some requests for a followup posts with actual poker content because apparently I know something about the game now. o_O

I want to get an article on blind defense in limit holdem done TODAY just so I can get it off my mind. Once again, so much work.

Finally, I signed up for Facebook. search for Swinkey if you want to add me. Maybe sign up for my Mafia Wars crew if you feel so inclined. I punch button on that game when I'm not playing on Pokerstars.
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed
chairleg of truth

Filling your pods

OMGOMGOMG NPR is now offering a free Cartalk podcast on itunes. Also just found the Real Time with Bill Maher Podcast. Hell yes. Ears=happy.

Watched the premiere of Stargate: Universe this morning on Hulu. It's not bad, it's not great either. I'd say it's better than Atlantis but just about on par with SG-1. The franchise has the ability to suck hard, though, so we'll see how things go. I'd have to say that my love of xenoarchaeology is what draws me into a Stargate show. Trapped on what is effectively an ancient alien worldship on a one way trip away from Earth. Hehe, cool. I'm sure the writers will pull some deus ex machina like they always do with the Stargate shows, but in the meantime Universe is entertaining, if overacted in places. What is going to really set my teeth on edge is the inevitable flood of drooling morons that populate the Stargate fanbase as I try to navigate some of the message boards to get some reaction to the various episodes. Ugh.
chairleg of truth

Fox TV Rant Engage!

Just caught the second ep of season 2 of Dollhouse and goddamnit Fox, why do you have to make such braindead shows? There are such logical inconsistencies to this show that it just leaves me with the feeling that Dollhouse is utterly, irrevocably flawed. I'll watch it because it's better than most crap on TV but it really sets my teeth on edge. It's the same problem with Fringe. That show has really good twists and turns to it but the 30 out of every 43 minutes just grates the hell out of my nerves. It's hamfisted exposition followed up with scenery chewing acting and mindless american TV plot devices. They were in Iraq this week. Peter Bishop speaks Arabic. Have the fucker speak arabic through those scenes where he needs to because he's a badass genius. I don't care if I have to read subtitles! But oh no "your partner does not speak arabic, therefore we speak in english" NO. Fuck you! This is a dimension spanning mad scientist fringe science extravaganza conceived by JJ Abrams but...scripted by the guys who wrote Transformers. FML.

Game over.
chairleg of truth

Stoopid body...

I hate my sleep cycle. A couple days I'll get home in the morning tired, sleep until 4pm and everything is peachy keen. Other days I'll get home and only be able to sleep until noon. Ok, go about life till 7 or so and get a nap before job. These last three days I haven't been able to sleep before 11am. I've had three glasses of bourbon and I feel more awake and focused an hour after drinking them then I did when I got home. FUCK. I HAVE THINGS TO DO WITH MY LIFE, BODY. WORK WITH ME HERE.
chairleg of truth

Wednesday into Thursday

Sunday's show at the Hawthorne Theater was ok. Good crowd, good energy once things got warmed up. I was not privy to any of the warming up as I went first. No sacrificial poet. Just me, first. Ugh. As we say on the felt "LOL variance". Lowest score of the night. Amongst the poets there were some issues with how things are run and organization/consistency and I'm going to talk to the girl who runs it to sort things out. Portland is in the middle of a serious stretch of artistic road and it would be a shame to lose this show due to something as easily fixable as changing how we operate the slam here to the national . Phone number and facebook info in hand from the Portland slammaster. Contact info in hand from a lot of people actually. Sunday made for good networking. Things will be dealt with. This fits in nicely with the fact that I'm finally thinking about putting together a Facebook account to keep in touch with folks in Michigan and talk with poetry people. Saturday marks the start of the Eugene slam season. I'll be shipping down there to see whats up.

Remarkable amount of rungood today at the tables put me +300 dollars for an hour and a half of work. Puzzling over one hand and how the hell my opponent decided to call a river bet.

I'm nerdking btw.

roomate gone I was gonna be all "woohoo alone in the house" but tonight it's utterly quiet outside from the fall cold and I'm kinda freaked out by the silence. I have knives, sticks, and loaded handguns. Death will be dealt where necessary

Many moons ago Taneka had a friend from the east coast who needed a place to stay. His name was Jonathan and he crashed on our couch for a couple months before going back to North Carolina and leaving all of his stuff. He ended up moving BACK out here 9 months later and staying with us AGAIN before flaking and moving back to North Carolina AGAIN. It is now approximately 18 months later and boxes of his stuff are spread between my room and the trunk of my car because he contacted me and asked me to get his stuff from the old apartment when Taneka was moving out. I did so because I'm a nice guy but he and I went back and forth in May or June over how he was going to get it. I told him that I would mail it to him so long as he sent me some money for postage. He said that he would be moving back here in late September and not to bother as he would just get it once he was out here. I told him that his stuff was going to Goodwill after September if he was not out here as I am not a self storage lot. I am a living embodiment of the Holy Spirit and will be canonized upon my death but it is now October. The hammer is falling. Anyone need clothes from a 6' 1" 260 lb man?

PS: Goddamn the MC5 still amaze me. These guys were the shit for a couple years back in the early 70s back in Michigan and it's a sad sad tale that mismanagement and just bad luck led to their dissolution. Crunchy, bouncy proto-punk all around. Definitely the missing musical link between bands like The Who and The Stooges.
  • Current Music
    MC5-"Black to Comm" (live)