chairleg of truth

Actual Post

wow, it's amazing what booze does to an already beaten up brain. Maker's Mark bourbon takes a lot of sting out of bad luck at cards. You know that poker downswing? That $1200 worth of downswing. Considering I took $2300 out in the last couple of weeks to pay for life AND I still have several thousand more in the account, I really can't be arsed by a bit of bad luck, though. Variance can't kill me. The multitude of good players that infest the level can't kill me. I'm motherfuckin' Jason Vorhees up in this piece, bitches.

Got the beginnings of a new tattoo on Thursday. Note the symbol on the left shoulder of this beastie:

That is the Crux Terminatus aka Terminator Honours, Command edition. It's the insignia that the Adeptus Astartes wear that shows that they are qualified to don the Tactical Dreadnought "Terminator" powered armor. Added bonus is the fact that it looks fucking badass. Tatt is now emblazoned on the left side of my chest. The outline is done but the inside bits on the cross have yet to be finished. Crossbones are done, the cross part will be black outline with beveled inside to give it a 3D-effect. That's going down October 7.

Watched season premiers of Sons of Anarchy, Dollhouse, Flashforward, and powered through the 2 seasons of The Wire in the last couple of weeks. SoA is good. The last scene of of the premier was brutal but I'd expect nothing less from a show where a guy had his MC back tatt blowtorched off his skin. Dollhouse left me very WTF this week. Why is Ballard a client in the season premier? Don't they have paying customers waiting for Echo's services? The Topher/Whiskey stuff was fantastic. I wish Amy Acker would stick around more for the rest of the season, though. Disappointed that the show's ratings sucked but so long as DVD sales/online viewings/ratings are solid I think Fox may keep this show around. Flashforward was ok. The first ep reminded me quite a bit of the first ep of Lost what with all the fire and screaming and explosions. I'll be interested to see where they take this, although it's got Brannon Braga attached to it and the Star Trek nerd in me screams HERETIC! whenever I see his name. Believe the hype on The Wire. All the goodness of The Sopranos and Homicide: Life on the Streets (also created by David Simon) combined with great acting, great stories. Rich, complex. Easily the greatest show on TV, bar none.

Got all of my important files backed up and putting serious thought into reformatting this piece of shit computer to clean out all the accrued garbage from 12 months of porn sites and popup ads.

As for the show tonight, the girl that runs the Portland slam is a bit...eccentric. Not Toledo performance poetry eccentric, but still a bit off nonetheless. I was told I'm on the performer list but I figure at least a 10% chance I might not perform tonight due to "issues". We'll see. I'm going to take a nap, get all coffee'd up and get ready this afternoon. $500 for first place but whatev. I'm just happy to get up onstage and perform again. =)
chairleg of truth

A Stick in the Ground

show tomorrow. Like any other show I'm doing absolutely nothing to prepare for it. Get up and read. Whatever happens after that is what happens after that. Currently in the middle of a downswing in terms of poker combined with a soul sapping bit of depression. At least I can identify and work around it. It will be good to get back onstage tomorrow and act all goofy for people's entertainment. I look forward to it.
chairleg of truth


couple of Halo-related vids to share that have totally been enthralling me:

We are ODST. Death comes to us all-

Neil Blomkamp's original Halo short film "Landfall"-

chairleg of truth

Ozzie lyrics...

Like any good American male I find mental solace in dealing with things that are bigger than me. I'm gonna lose myself in work (which is different from my Job. safeway can burn for all i care) for the next couple of days. if anything comes up i'll post it. see you on the other side.
chairleg of truth

Alive, but going to ground for a couple days...

last two days have been hella busy. found out just how into baking hilaryann really is (perhaps TOO into baking). bought season one of The Wire finally. Got some questionable Thai food from a place over on belmont that hasn't been agreeing with me. hiked my ass off yesterday. cashed out another 500 from Pokerstars. getting aggressively annoyed with the job. spent maybe a total of 3 or 4 hours both days at the tables, so I'm avoiding social contact and grinding as much as I can today. Because having money is fun. Been mulling over retrofitting some pieces. We'll see how it goes. slam on the 27th.
chairleg of truth

Megaleg stomps Tokyo

so after all the chatting Saturday night I get a bunch of comments from one hilaryann.

Me: hey
Her: Hi
Me: so i looked at your myspace. you are in fact one of the greatest women alive on the planet
Her: I'm trying to remember my friends in kzoo who were poets...
Me: lessee here todd bannon, sarah versau, Steve O (i continue to rattle off names) i miss kraftbrau...
Her: Me too, but I do not miss Club Soda. That place was awful..
Me: heh. I think the only other place i went to that wasn't off a highway exit ramp was Shakespeare's Pub
Her: Did you know Rei Robinson in GR? He does slam I think.
Me: nope. Joe the Cabdriver? Joe is insane. Like, probably literally insane but still, interesting guy.
Her: Aha I know of him via friends and the burlesque troop thing
Me: yeah, he started out doing that just as I was moving out of Michigan
Her: That's how I realized you had a gr connection actually, was joethecabdriver.
Me: ooooooh
Me: (I notice her AIM is mobile and has a character restriction) so are you surfing the web tonight from a blackberry/iphone/tricorder or whatev?
Her: Blackberry. No net here yet. Why?
Me: ooo. the modern age confuses me. i am but a simple caveman lawyer. And not really a lawyer.
Her: LOL phil hartman ref ftw.
Me: LOL getting the phil hartman ref for the double win. So whatup with you. What's a hawtasballs slightly nerdy girl like you doing in a town like this, what with your pop culture understanding and your douglas adams love...
Her: Aahhhhh my face is going to blush off. Hahahaha. Having my own snnlc (Saturday Night No Life Club for the uninitiated) at home because I'm broke and work at 6am.
Me: sucks. guy like me sees girl like you and immediately spazzes out. "omgomgomg cute. nerdy. smart. omgomgomg. play it it cool... *voice cracks* hello!"
Her: Unfair advantage, you can look on myspace etc. But I'm @ home on my bberry with just aim and lj
Me: why sit at home? I'm bored. you're bored. I have money. you have a nearby bar.
I'm buying. we're talking. I'm going home alone.
Her: Hahahaha omg I'm cracking up and flattered. Ok, deal.
Me: HOLY SHIT! That's the first time that's ever worked! "oh hey cool person, let's go get a drink" usually ends in flake. Hence my amazment.
Her: You make it sound like nobody wants to play with you at recess or something haha
Me: Ok, listen Miss David Tennant. Stop going back in time and looking at my childhood
Her: Fiiiine. But I'm keeping the tardis
Me: ...*faints*

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chairleg of truth

My next few days will be spent...

the last few days have been satifsying at the tables. action comes around to me and I make decisions quickly, so quick and smooth it's like a basketball swooshing through the net. These neural pathways have been through this hundreds of thousands of times over many more hundreds of thousands of hands. Don't think about life, don't think about now. Don't think about the money especially. Just let the table wash over you. Think about the 50k hand mark down the road. Think about villain's hand range as he reraises in the cutoff. Is he isolating a bad player or does he just have a good hand? Think about board texture and history with the players. Can I bluff here? What better hand folds to a bet and what worse hand calls? Don't think about the money don't think about the time don't think about the results. just play and play and play for two hours.

So after all that, you know what success tastes like?

16 year old Lagavulin. **** your Johnny Walker Blues, Blacks, Greens, Purples, and Fuschias. Single malt islay, bitch. Burnt oak on first taste, fading to a smooth sweet honey finish and a lingering essence of malty peat. Mmm.

I'd just like to give a hearty shoutout to all the small stakes grinders on Pokerstars. Thank you $2/$4 FR regs for buying my scotch with all of your stolen blinds. Also, I'd like to thank you all for buying my tickets to see Patton Oswalt on Sunday.

Safeway tried to screw me out of my second night off last week so tonight I've called off work and plan on playing lots of poker and doing some writing. And the part of the duck will be played by the oboe. And filling in for the vacationing Glenn Beck will be Bill Maher. Aren't you all in for a surprise...

Got into a conversation on OKCupid with a remarkably cool young woman who puts on a local sketch comedy show here in Portland. A little slice of me is scared about how random goofy sarcastic me comes off to a professional funny-person. Whether it seems like an act while I pepper my conversation with humorous pop culture references and witty anecdotes or whether it comes across as my genuine personality. One of the many other parts of me says "hey Mike, you're funny. It would be pretty cool to get in on something like that. Maybe she might see weird you and think THAT GUY IS PERFECT FOR MY NEXT PRODUCTION!!!" Granted, this woman's other job is as a KJ downtown. Somehow I don't think my agent and her casting director are going to need to get in touch. Not that I have an agent. She might have a casting director. I dunno. As Matt Drudge likes to say: developing...
chairleg of truth

Plinking away with a .22

Just woke up from a dream where Richard Hatch (BSG's Apollo/Tom Zarek) was doing an Easter program for my Catholic Highschool and somehow he had a leanto with a blue tarp over it in the parking lot. I'mnotcrazyyou'recrazy. Look over there.

This thing has been in the making for 3 days and by this time I think I'm finishing it more out of spite than anything but anyway: Slam in Bend!

I will start with a syllogism:

The trek between Monroe and Dayton : Halo on Normal mode :: The trek between Portland and Bend : Halo on Legendary

The road south of Mt. Hood is gorgeous. Evergreens tower 30 feet high and grow so closely that it's almost like this darkened corridor of forest. I kept expecting to run over bigfoot. Next came the twisty mountain road. I looked across the valley at the other side, which was a 45 degree slope covered in trees. My eyeballs were just as speechless as my gaping mouth.

Got past the pass and the terrain opened up. Deforested stumps gave way to deserty scrubland. A few hills broke up the monotony. Off in the distance to the south I saw Mt Jefferson and my mind went full on Jim Brewer: "Dude! Dude!!! *whispers* You get past the one mountain and there's another mountain!" I'm such a goober.

Next came Warm Springs. Rocky cliffs followed the highway to my left while the Crooked River ran off to my right. I also saw Kahneeta resort and casino. Just looked it up online and while their poker room looks excellent it doesn't seem big enough to warrant a trip down there.

Finally got to the show 45 minutes after start time due to highway 26 being fully closed with flaggers in some spots for an overnight repaving project. The Silver Moon Brewery is like the Kraftbrau if Kraftbrau was set up in a well lit VFW hall. The room was decently full, although the slammaster Chris Vance said that the audience was the second smallest they've had in months. Chris was exceptionally accomodating. He put me on the list even though they had
already started. I ran down the street to another bar so that I could use their ATM and get some money for cover. Bought a shot of Jack Daniels on the way through so I didn't felt like a mooch.

Vance is a nice guy, talented MC. Keeps his show going at a good clip despite drunken heckling.

Started off the night with "Back to School" which I had been frantically editing up until departure time. "BtS" ran over time to the point where I need to knock 40 seconds or so out of it. (ed note: Link emailed me some edits and suggestions. Megathanks to him.) Got something like a 23 and change after the 2 point time penalty which in comparison with the other low scores got me into the second round.

Did a way way way chopped down version of "Evil Overlords in Love" in the second round. That one ran over time as well. Oregonians are a bunch of nerds.

Even after going 3:40 or so I got a 24.

Finished the competition off with "Nerd Uprising" (or Revolution, if you're Link Schreiber). Audience loved me. No time penalty (because even when I run long with it, it's 2:45) and I get a 27.

4th place went to this girl named Kara, second and third had to haiku deathmatch for position everyone was quite drunk and so I'm sure many Japanese everywhere would be offended by what the stupid gaijin vomited forth. I won 1st and peeled 20 bucks off to give to Kara because she was cute and talented and didn't suck. She was stunned to say the least. I tipped out the bar staff 2 bucks each even though I only got a 3 dollar glass of beer and climbed unsteadily back into my car.

The drive home was full of delerium and hallucinations as various phantasms and spectres danced across the darkened highway and I tried to keep caffeinated and awake, alternately rolling down my window and punching myself in the thigh. The Rick Emerson show kept me good company for the 2 hours it was on my ipod. The drive was rough, but obviously I made it. Thursday was spent in a zombie-stupor and I think I only recently got my mind back on track.
chairleg of truth


-Got the first of my matching set of $500 dollar checks from Pokerstars this morning. Just about to skip off to the bank to go deposit it. :D :D :D

-is there something fundamentally abrasive and off-putting about my personality? Are people naturally repelled when I attempt to formulate a statement or question within my head and then loose it upon the world in either written or spoken format? I ask this because every time I read someone's profile on OkCupid and think "hey there cute girl, your interests and my interests coincide, I think we should start up a conversation" and send a message winging off into the ether I get a look at my profile if I'm lucky and no response beyond that. These are not complex questions. I'm not asking "whaderu wearing twixt them nethers right now *heavy breathing*?" or anything like that. It usually consists of "oh, your profile states that you are into x. I too am into x (and not the late 70s LA punk group X. X as in the algebraic variable x. I've listened to some X and to be quite frank I'm not swayed either way by them) I would like to know your thoughts on the subject. Btw, I found (insert portion of their profile here) both witty and amusing and would like to commend you on your writing abilities. And you're cute." or some shit like that. Nothing. Not even tumbleweeds. Not even dial tone. Even the cricket packed up and went home. Is my OkCupid profile's messaging system broken or something? Am I that milquetoast bland that people just pass right by me? WTF?